Walking Snowmen.. Not always as nice as Frosty

If you See this person behind you... RUN

Little Timmy was stuck in the well… Again however, this time someone had actually put him in there.  In his own words he stated “I was just out walking my dog when all the sudden a big white thing with a corn cob pipe, a button nose, and two eyes made out of coal came, picked me up and threw me down the well.”

Scientists and police have confirmed that the culprit of this act was none other than a snowman.  While it is believed by many that a living walking snowman should be trusted, in fact the opposite is true.  As leading statistical mathematicians have recently decided there is a 75% chance that if a snowman is up and walking around it is evil.  For children everywhere this means that the myth of Frosty the Snowman is not true.

These snowmen can be made all over the place and while some become alive due to a magic hat others are brought to life by evil scientists, monsters, and ghosts.  While we can’t help you with ghosts or monsters the following steps will help you if you run into a walking snowman.

·         RUN RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN GET INDOORS AND TURN THE HEAT IN YOUR HOUSE UP TO 90!

Law enforcement officials also warn that these snowman in some cases will have an icy core and as such are much harder to destroy than regular snow.

Dragon's Celebrate Christmas this Year

After many carful years of study the dragons this year have decided that they too are going to celebrate Christmas.  The Dragon Master himself has clearly stated that as Christmas becomes more about the marketing every year and as Christmas has come to store early the little dragons have become more and more excited!

While most people celebrate Christmas by getting a Christmas tree, decorating it, singing Christmas songs and also visiting relatives the dragons have decided that the best way to celebrate is to hid inside Christmas trees and eat their unsuspecting victim’s pet cats.  After all everyone knows that Cats taste better than dogs and people.

Because the dragons are starting early this year stores are recommending that if you want a dragon in your Christmas tree you get one now.  After all who doesn’t want their pet cat Fluffy tail to mysteriously go missing on Thanksgiving.  So this year instead of blaming Uncle Fred for the missing cat you might want to check inside your Christmas tree.

Dolphin Boy Discovered

After years of study and research, scientists and animal trainers are still unable to effectively communicate with dolphins beyond the use of fish and tricks. They are aware of the significance of the clicks and squeals they emit, but unable to find a direct translation into English, Russian, Chinese or any other human  language. It is clear to the trained ear whether the sea mammal is happy, sad, playful or hungry, but more details are difficult, until now.

A small child has been found that is naturally fluent in Dolphin. While his peers are unable to communicate with him effectively, it is obvious that the dolphins understand clearly. 

Tree man, Life in the woods

The tree man. Coming to a park near you.

Morris Liverman was a normal kid growing up in the suburbs. He liked to read books and watch cartoons. He especially loved reading “The Lorax” and watching re-runs of “Captain Planet”.  He started telling his class mates to recycle instead of throwing away old cans. He tried to convince his parent’s to start a compost pile. He petitioned his local congressman to vote for green energy. Morris started getting called vulgar names at school like “Hippy”, “greener” and “Tree hugger”. While in some places and times these might be seen as compliments, in Texas, they are as bad as getting called a one-legged dog.

When his parent’s turned on his earthy ways, this gave Morris’ passion enough fuel to burst from a candle to a raging conflagration.  “I knew that if so many people were against me, I must be on the verge of genius” related Morris. “Just look at all those famous dark age guys like Galileo. Nobody wanted to change, but it turns out they were right in the end.” The only problem was, none of Morris’ efforts had any results. His parent’s didn’t start a compost pile, his friends just threw their cans at him, and the congressman sent him a signed “thank you for voting” pin.  So he turned to his old friends, children’s environmental propaganda. He had no way of coming out of a tree stump like the Lorax, nor super powers like the captain. “I figured, if I make a costume like Captain-P and hang out near trees like the Lorax, something good has to happen, you know?”

Mr. Liverpool set off on his own to begin inhabiting forests. After a few long and lonely years, the only thing he learned was that not that many people venture deep into forests, and those who do are either hunters or hikers. They didn’t want to hurt the trees; they wanted to hang out in them too. The result of these years? A couple facebook posts from hikers and hunters about a crazy guy. “I needed to get around more people, but I didn’t have any money or place to stay. So, like anybody would, I started living in public parks”

Not unlike the ‘piggy-back bandit’ Morris is starting to becoming internet famous. He is traversing the contiguous United States as one park after another evicts and rejects him. Final statements from Morris Liverman as to how he feels about this: “I know I am making an impact! I know that I am making the world a better place.”