New Cave Painting Found

A recent cave painting found in the south of France is said to look like the character Gollum for J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit. We are unsure whether this is a coincidence or if it is actual evidence that Tolkien’s mythology was actually based on events that happened before the current age of man.  “This could give the idea that J.R.R. Tolkien was writing historical fact instead of mythology all new light.”  Says Joseph Bob one of the archaeologists working on project.

Many people have gathered to the area to pay homage to the painting Others have already started paying homage to Mawe, Lord of the Eagles, while others have started a following against the cave painting known as the Sons of Melkor.  Any way you look at it if this cave painting is deemed to be authentic it could change the whole history of human events and knowledge.

Along with the painting there were also found various paintings of round objects found throughout the cave, the meaning of these object has yet to be decided upon. 

Wagon Dogs Built the West

A new discovery by archaeologists’ shows historical evidence that Pioneers used giant dogs alongside Oxen and Horses to pull carts across the plains.  This new study states that not only were dogs considered stronger but they also had more energy.  One pioneer is even said to have used a whole team of Giant (11 foot tall) poodles to pull a wagon across the plains.  While the average cart would take months to get across the plains this pioneer simply put rabbits in front of the poodles and had them run across the whole western United States to California in just three days.

While we don’t know all the reasons behind the downfall in these wagon dogs what we do know is that they basically ate everything in sight when they weren't pulling wagons.  As such they destroyed whole entire cities such as Los Hamstre in a matter of days after they arrived there.  This caused these giant dogs to be extinct and to our new knowledge many of the dinosaur bones we find today are the remnants of these dogs.

Horse Airbags now Required

Earlier today the equestrian safety administrations officially authorized air bags for horses.  “This project has

been in the works for ages,” Says John the head of the administration.  With this change individuals will have the added extra safety of an airbag built into their genetically modified horse.  Experts say that this shouldn't change the way we ride horses but should only make it safer if for some reason our head rams into the neck of a horse.  While some people think the millions of dollars put into this modification and the fact that it will kill the horse when the airbag opens is pointless experts have decided that all horses starting in the year 2015 will com preinstalled with this feature.

According to horse expert Suzanne horses really don’t need airbags since most people fall off either the side or back of the horse.  While she is perfectly right in saying the administration says it is a necessity due to the decrease in the number of people who ride horses. “We just want to make them seem safer” says John.  Only time will tell if this feature has any positive benefits but for now we here at the Jexonian wish we got a pony for Christmas last year.

Mysterious shadow man saves cats!

Who is this mysterious man?

As authorities warned individuals to keep their cats in doors due to a recent string of cats being thrown in trees across a hero has come to save the day!  This strange hero is almost invisible.  “He’s basically a shadow of his former self” says one witness to the event.

Constance was a regular cat walking down the street one day and all the sudden he found himself up a tree.  He doesn’t know how he got there however, what he did know was that he had a girl’s name and he was a cat.

Luckily for Constance the Shadow man came to save the day “meow, meow” said Constance with gratitude.  Over 100,000 cats have been thrown into trees over the last month, and strangely all of them have been taken down by this mysterious shadow man.

We tried to get in contact with the Shadow man for a comment however, we could not find him.  “He’s like Batman, he disappears into the shadows.”  So the question is raised who is this mysterious Shadow man? Why is he saving our cats? And how do the cats get into the trees in the first place?  Stay tuned for a further update when we find the shadow man… if we ever find the shadow man.

Global weather change and Australian expectations

Some scientists say the weather has been changing globally. Last year, cold and snow in Rexburg, Idaho switched to trends of warm sunny weather. The biggest surprise for the locals: when it changed to being cold again towards the end of the year. One local said it this way “Trees were green, flowers were in bloom. Then BAM! In a couple months everything was dead”.

“Trees were green, flowers were in bloom. Then BAM!”

 It’s not just Rexburg that has been experiencing weather changes though. Much of the United States experienced cold weather at the same time as little Rexburg. Sound like a trend? Guess again: sources in Guam said the weather had been nearly constant, around the low 80s during that entire time.  Even more befuddling, is Australia. The weather has been changing from very cold to very warm, but at the opposite times of the year as the US. Local expert Nashville Mike had this to say: “Weather in Australia has been backwards as long as it’s been known as ‘down under’. The causality is clear – Australian weather is caused by use of its nick name."  The small continent feels insecure and wants to fulfill the world’s expectations.